I should know by now...

As I said, I am working on this personal optimism idea in spite of all the news to the contrary. I am really getting a sense that this is a turning point for me in my life and that everything is going to fall into place behind this idea. It doesn't mean that I will cease being vigilant about potential rough seas ahead, it will only mean that I will try to live more closely in the present, and when aware of myself in the present moment, make the effort to be in the highest state possible. And highest state for me now will mean being open, loving, peaceful, and optimistic. These are the principles that I wish to live by from this moment forward. Wow. I just impressed myself. Of course, much easier said than done. However, I digress from the title of this blog entry. What I should know by now is that when I am thinking about something I am going to do, and I'm thinking negatively about it, whatever it is, it's usually not as bad as my imagination of doing that thing. I think that makes sense.

I got called for a gig tonight by a drummer friend of mine. I think he called me about it around 4 weeks ago. I had nothing else, it was a Saturday night, and even though the bread was light (low paying) and long (4 hours) I said I would do it because it was a jazz gig. Sometimes the jazz gigs I do are fun and it gives me a chance to try out some new ideas. But as the gig got closer, I started dreading it. I put the seats down in my car this morning, loaded my keyboard and P.A. rig (I was going to sing too). Oh yeah, and the gig was an hour away from my house. Another negative. Got onto the on-ramp of the thruway and after committing to it, I saw that the traffic was literally standing still. I knew that if I continued, I would be late to the gig. So, I took a real shot and backed up the on-ramp. I will lie and say I made this up if anyone tells the State Police. But it definitely put me behind schedule working my way around the thruway jam. Using my GPS and doing a little speeding I did manage to make it to the gig 30 minutes early which is just enough time to be ready to start when I was supposed to. As it turned out, I was there before the drummer, who's gig it was. Forgot that the gig was at a winery. Suddenly, my mood lightened. Set up fast and we started playing. All the negatives about the gig started to fall away in the music. We were swingin'. Then, a guy named Ken, as if reading my mind, came over with some Cabernet. Wine and jazz. Just what the doctor ordered. Then, Giovanni, the winemaker said, come on guys, take a break. How often do I hear that on jazz gig? Never? The guy who hired us is concerned about us getting something to eat? These are very important things to a musician. My wife always makes fun of me when I tell her about the food on a gig. She doesn't understand that those creature comforts can make or break a gig. You are at the mercy of the place you are gigging. It's not like you can go out and get a bite or order in. I know some musicians who bring their own stash to get them through. Don't know why I haven't done that. Everything about this gig ended up being great. One thing I noticed tonight, which was new for me. I don't think I have every been so relaxed playing jazz. After the first set and the initial flurry of playing to much and too many notes, I really got into a very laid back groove. Hmm. After how many glasses of wine? Seriously, it wasn't the wine. I feel like I am different. Something is shifting for me. It's a good thing. I am very curious to see how this plays out. Like I said before, I feel like everything is falling into place for my music and my mission. We shall see, what's meant to be.

I am not afraid

I was having a conversation with someone recently, and they were saying something about being afraid with all this terrorism happening over in Mumbai. And my response was, "if you are afraid, the terrorists win." That's also what the government wants to perpetuate; the state of fear. The chances of anything happening to anyone in the world due to terrorism is so small, as to be virtually a non-threat. After 9/11 my wife and I took our daughters to Europe almost every summer. At least until the Euro was almost 1 1/2 times the value of a dollar. So many people were concerned that we were flying, and we were flying to Europe. The thing about terrorism is that if people are not afraid, the terrorists lose. They thrive on scaring people. What the world, as a collective whole needs to do is to be fearless against these fear mongers. Each govenment needs to go after these people as thugs of the worst kind. The "war on terror" is the perfect war for the military industrial complex and the U.S. military because it can never be won. It gives them a good reason to exist. There will always be people who will use terror as their method of fighting power that is overwhelming. But they will never "win" either. We can individually win the war on terror by being unafraid and by promoting peace whenever possible.

Thanksgiving Day 2008 - music is my bridge

As the turkey is cooking in the oven, there is so much to be thankful for. For the past 8 years I have been saddened to be an American due to extremely aggressive policies to take away the freedoms that America has been known for, not to mention an illegal war put together by the Bush/Cheney/Rove gang and the neocon team, I am now cautiously optimistic. Yes, things may get worse before they get better. But to focus on the positive would be to think about the possibilities of all the good things that may be possible in an Obama administration. I say cautiously optimistic because this man, Barak Obama, is being handed a country in the midst of an economic meltdown and very unpopular war(s). If he can run the country with the same precision, clarity, intelligence and civility, that he ran his campaign, then I believe we have a chance. Barak Obama and the team he puts together will really to have create some amazing programs to get us out of this mess. So, I would have to say that I am thankful that Obama won this election. I am also thankful that I have a loving family, a roof over my head, bills that are paid, no debts (other than the one created by the borrowing that my government has done in my name), enough food to eat, the ability to pursue my music and my mission of peace, to be able to work on myself to be a better person, for my connection to the world via the internet, for feeling comfortable in my own skin, and to be able to pursue happiness. Right now, in this present moment, on Thanksgiving Day, I am very happy. I feel like I am just beginning to understand what I am supposed to be doing. And if I were to say that what I am supposed to be doing is to serve God, would people be interested to know which God I am serving? Isn't there only one "true" God? And how can I know that I am not deluding myself and really following my personal desires? I think that these are good questions. And I believe that the answers to those questions will become available as this blog continues. Meanwhile, I am thankful for all that I have been given. I give that thanks to God, or the powers that be, if you will. I will do my best to serve. Even though I am a slow learner, I am beginning to understand that this phase of my life is about giving back. Yes, I need to turn my music and mission into something financially viable. I have to provide for my needs to live and for the needs of my family. But the bigger picture is one of service and to be able to help people in need. This is something very new for me. I have been a self-centered artist/person for almost my entire life. It's time to grow up and really take in the needs of other people. My music is my bridge.

a good beginning

I find it very interesting that at this moment, 12:54 am, on Thanksgiving Day, I am about to get serious about blogging. I have had my share of blogs on MySpace. And I have written some blogs on Blogger. But I have to say that Twitter pushed me into the world of blogging. I have come across so many blogs in the past few weeks, and I feel the calling for putting down in writing what is really going on as I see it. Getting back to the timing, I am very thankful that this is happening on Thanksgiving Day. I think there is significance to this fact. I see it as yet another beginning into looking for the positive in my life instead of focusing on the negative. I always say that I am a realist, with a pessimistic leaning. That may be true. But it's so easy for me. I fall into it so comfortably. What is not comfortable is to look for the positive and live that positivity. To be aware of the realism and negativity, but to constantly seek out and strive for the positive. That is the effort. That is the difficulty. Gurdjieff used to say, "do what the machine (the mechanical self) does not want to do." So, the path is clear. What I have been using as my "mantra" in the past six months or so is "prepare for the worst and hope for the best." Okay, perhaps I can still prepare for the worst as insurance, only instead of hoping for the best, be my best and focus on the positive. This feels right. A good beginning. It's time to live the peace I find when I am at the keyboard. What I have been bringing to others I have to bring to myself during the times when I am not at the piano.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2008, 5:30PM, WASHINGTON, D.C.

PRELUDE TO PEACE

AS PEOPLE RETURNED TO THE BUSYNESS OF A NEW WEEK ACROSS THE METRO AREA THIS MORNING, THERE WAS A PECULIAR SENSE OF PEACE BEING WITNESSED ACROSS ALL AGES AND NATIONALITIES. THIS AMAZING EXPERIENCE, WHICH SOME ARE REFERRING TO AS A "PEACE REVOLUTION," WAS AS FAR REACHING AS STERLING, VA, LEESBURG, VA AND BETHESDA, MD.

IN SEARCHING FOR AN EXPLANATION, THE ONLY SOURCE THAT NEWS TEAMS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PINPOINT IS A SERIES OF WEEKEND CONCERTS CALLED "PRELUDE TO PEACE," OFFERED BY A TRIO OF PIANISTS WHO QUIETLY ARRIVED ON FRIDAY TO STERLING, TYSONS CORNER, AND DOWNTOWN DC. LOUIS LANDON (NEW YORK), DANA CUNNINGHAM (MAINE) AND STANTON LANIER (ATLANTA) HAVE TOUCHED THOUSANDS OF LIVES AROUND THE WORLD WITH THEIR PEACEFUL MELODIES. FRIENDS CLOSE TO THEM SAY THAT THEY CHOSE WASHINGTON DC TO BEGIN A RIPPLE EFFECT OF PEACE AND HOPE THAT WILL MAKE ITS WAY ACROSS THIS GREAT LAND AND OVER THE OCEANS, TRANSFORMING LIVES AROUND THE WORLD.

EVERY CONCERT ATTENDEE WAS MOVED IN A VERY REAL AND PERSONAL WAY TO LIVE LIFE MORE IN THE PRESENT, FULLY ALIVE, AND WITH MORE INTENTIONALITY TO SHARE LOVE AND KINDNESS WITH OTHERS. DIFFICULT TO PUT INTO WORDS, ONE QUOTE BEST DESCRIBES WHAT SEEMED TO TAKE PLACE, LEADING TO A MORE PEACEFUL AND PEACE-FILLED CITY ON THIS GORGEOUS AUTUMN DAY...

"IT WAS LIKE I WAS RIDING ON HORSEBACK THROUGH THIS ENDLESS FIELD OF GRASS BLOWING IN THE WIND, WITH PRAYERS AND POEMS BEING LIFTED UP ALL AROUND ME, TOWARD A SUNRISE THAT WAS AWAKENING THE DAWN. CAMELOT WAS IN THE DISTANCE...I COULD SEE A BEAUTIFUL CASTLE AND PICTURE CHILDREN RIDING WITH ME. THE SENSE OF JOY, PEACE AND HOPE WAS INDESCRIBABLE. NOT KNOWING WHAT I WOULD SEE AND HEAR, 'PRELUDE TO PEACE' WAS A LEAP OF FAITH FOR ME THAT RESULTED IN A PEACEFUL EVENING FILLED WITH DISCOVERY AND AMAZING GRACE. IT WAS THOUGH MY LIFE FOR A FEW MOMENTS WAS IN IMPROVISATION FOR PEACE, SO PEACEFUL, MINDFUL. WE WERE ALL JUST SAVORING THE MOMENT, LIVING IN THE PRESENT."